Uncensored.

Today is July 04, 2023.

I am overwhelmed. 

I cannot breathe. 

My chest feels extra heavy. 

I am listening to Taylor Swift's folklore album and I do not know if it is helping. 

I am the worst person I know. I have never been honest to myself. I have been very hideous while trying to tame the kind of person I could possibly become because I am scared. I have accepted so many responsibilities when I was super happy and now that I am about to hit rock bottom again, my pillars are starting to shake. 

As of the moment, I hold an executive position at our University's artistic and literary publication and I have so many pending tasks. I do not know how or when to start. What is worse is I have been experiencing this same feeling since two months ago. The tasks are piling up and I couldn't keep up. 

I am also faking getting a grip in one of my subjects because I am clearly not. I only skimmed through the 30-page research which I am supposed to revise. The community accounts which I am supposed to be handling are still empty. 

I am borderline B+ in my other subject, it should be easy but what is happening. I will be tested again on it tomorrow. 

My thesis is also not progressing. 

I am not getting paid on time in my side hustle when my student is super demanding. 

My OG batch recently graduated and I feel a little fear of missing out of being at the end of the line. I have been rejected in two internship positions I applied for. 

My room is in mess. 

I have not done my laundry. 

My room pantry is empty.

My laptop is dirty and broken. I can only use it when it's been plugged in overnight. My iPad case stinks because the fake leather sours. 

I am broke as fuck. I want to buy a laptop but my allowance has not been sent yet.